


To Shut a Dying Man up

by komaegi



Series: Fictober + Nanowrimo 2018 [14]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, M/M, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17239532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komaegi/pseuds/komaegi
Summary: "Shut up" is not something you would say to a person who's dying.(Day 14: "Some people call this wisdom")





	To Shut a Dying Man up

**Author's Note:**

> officially my last fic of 2018. it's been a rough year, and i'll continue next year.
> 
> honestly i'm not proud of not being able to write as much as last year but i guess that's life huh
> 
> hope you enjoy it!!!

Komaeda was the rambling type.

He talked too much, and it was hard to ignore.

Sometimes, Matsuda tried to shut him up, and Komaeda would obey, but then would ramble again and it'd take a while to shut him up again.

His rambling was nonsense, most of the time.

Just blabbering, and blabbering, never-ending blabbering.

It makes Matsuda guilty to shut him up, considering he heard that sort of blabbering before.

Specifically from his patients, his own mother—

Basically, whoever has their brain deteriorating slowly, day by day.

"Shut up" is not something you would say to a person who's dying.

But sometimes, Matsuda would just say it to Komaeda's face.

Not on purpose, Komaeda's just the type of person who gets on people's nerves easily.

Which is, why almost everyone he meets has a bad first impression of him.

"Hey, Matsuda-kun."

Matsuda ignores him.

"Aha~ Usual Matsuda-kun! Sparkling as always! Not being distracted from his work! Focusing on his—"

"Hello, Komaeda."

Matsuda is sure Komaeda was going to start a long speech about how Matsuda is one of a kind between his classmates, and how he's the best neurologist in the entire world.

Matsuda heard it before, but Komaeda doesn't remember.

Of course, Komaeda doesn't remember the majority of their conversations.

It's just a fleeting memory to him.

Something he's bound to forget.

And Matsuda isn't noticing any development.

It's all the same.

Komaeda would probably, have a few years to live.

And only lucky patients tend to live a long life.

Komaeda, being the luckiest person in the academy, would obviously live for a longer time.

"Are you doing well? You seem busy. Should I come back at another time. Ah! But if Matsuda-kun is always busy, then maybe I should never come back—"

"You can't escape from your check-ups, idiot."

Komaeda only had a confused expression on his face.

"Wait… it couldn't be… Matsuda-kun cares about someone as insignificant and as forgettable as me…? No, I might be definitely overthinking, right? Matsuda-kun has better relationships with other people, so it could never be—"

Matsuda sighed, as Komaeda's words continued into mumbles he couldn't hear.

"Just lie down."

Komaeda only smiled, and obliged.

Like he does to every other person in this stupid academy.

It's foolish of him, but Matsuda could never understand what's going on in his head.

Always talking, always talking, always and always but never seeming to make any sense.

"You're probably not gonna get any better."

"Ahh… I already know that, Matsuda-kun. I'm so unfortunate, I won't get better. But you know! There's always hope! Maybe things would get better! We just need to keep going, keep going, keep going—"

"Even if you hoped, it doesn't have to turn out like you want it to."

Matsuda isn't familiar with the concept of hoping.

Even when he had hope that his mother would be alright, she died in the end.

The doctors gave him false hope, they knew that a child his age would want to have some hope.

But Matsuda only wanted the truth.

Hope without truth was just false, a comforting lie.

Hope didn't mean anything if it wasn't true.

"That's a negative thing to say, Matsuda-kun! You're a symbol of hope, aren't you? You're going to save lives, you're going to help people from all around the world! You'd be a hero! You will—"

"Do I look like I could do that when I can't even save your damn life?!"

Matsuda didn't mean to yell like that.

Maybe it was the guilt he held towards his mother, maybe he feels the same way towards Komaeda.

Maybe, as annoying Komaeda is, as many people hate him, Matsuda wouldn't want him to die.

But he cannot do anything.

If it was possible, maybe Komaeda's condition will progress, but it's the same thing.

Just the same deteriorating brain.

"But, it's okay! Even if I died, Matsuda-kun will save other people! Don't worry about me, I'm bound to die! I mean, I was surrounded by death all my life! I'm used to it! But, just have hope, Matsuda-kun! Have hope and everything will turn out better—"

"And who the hell would think that everything would go well if you convince yourself that it's going to go well?"

"Did you know, Matsuda-kun? It's wise to continue holding onto hope, no matter how fake it is! It's difficult to do, but I believe you can do it! After all, you're the Super High School Level Neurologist—"

"Some people call this wisdom, but I call it stupidity."

Komaeda only laughed, Matsuda didn't dare to look at him.

"Maybe someone like Matsuda-kun might not understand now, but you will understand as time goes! You will understand! Because you always understand! You're always—"

"You ramble too much."

Komaeda laughed awkwardly.

"I see… is it bothersome? Should I cut off my own tongue? That'd make me unable to talk, and it would be good for all of us, wouldn't it? Everyone would be able to do their own thing, and I wouldn't disturb them—"

Matsuda pulled him into a kiss.

It's not what one would want to be their first kiss, it's almost similar to a kiss of a couple who are already dating.

Even though, neither of them are dating.

Matsuda pressed his hand against Komaeda's cheeks.

"You never know how to stop talking, do you?"

For once, Komaeda was silent.

Not starting another speech, neither rambling about anything, just silent.

Did it really hold that much power?

He let go of Komaeda's face.

"See you next week, Komaeda."

Komaeda only nods, as if he's still trying to comprehend what happened.

Well… it didn't matter.

Komaeda would keep rambling, and rambling. Talking again, and again.

Matsuda has no hope for someone like him.

Komaeda is a hopeless case.

And in the end, Matsuda cannot save someone like him.

Komaeda will end up forgetting about it in a while, and he'd repeat the same conversations over and over again.

Komaeda would ramble, blabber, and talk endlessly.

And Matsuda would have to continue his attempts to shut him up.


End file.
